The Bachelor Australia recaps

Sequins, spray tans and sex - it's season 3 of the world's stupidest dating show.

RuPaul's Drag Race Season 7 recaps

YASS, HUNTIES! Every episode of season seven recapped for your reading pleasure. Let's get sickening!

The Daters recaps

Six young Aussies navigate the real life rocky road to love - and we poke fun at them.

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 10

We kick things off in the rumpus room of the Shag Mansion where all the bachelorettes are lounging around in Dotti's new casual separates range discussing Nietzsche's theory of the Ubermensch.

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 9

It's late night after the cocktail party, and everyone is sitting around in their customary "bedtime makeup" mourning the recent eviction of... er... what was her name again? You know the one. Blonde. Never said anything.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 8

We rejoin Sam out in the field, literally, where he is meeting two potential new recruits to the Shag Mansion:

"Hey, why the long faces?"

Having not had a ride in weeks he's pretty keen, but ultimately decides against the idea after he tries to give them both a rose, and they eat them.

Friday, August 21, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 7

After the shock of last week's cocktail party walkout by Jacinda, the remaining nine bachelorettes are all coping with their grief by doing advanced maths in the sunroom.

"Each room has three girls in it now," says one.

"And it had eight," pipes up another.

Nina gets out a whiteboard and some textas...
...and 20 minutes later they agree that 15 girls have left overall.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 6

After the last episode in which Sam admitted to being scared of heights it's clear the producers want to try and butch him up a bit, so tonight's festivities start with him doing push ups:

Sadly he appears to be doing it in some sort of bondage sling, so I'm not sure it generates the effect they really wanted.

The Bachelor Australia Episode Recap: Season 3, Episode 5

With the Shag Mansion now happily anal gland-free for the best part of a week, the bachelorettes are starting to feel a bit more relaxed; this week's episode opens with all of them lying around in Lorna Jane practicing their resting bitch faces.

Cha-Cha's is actually more like "smelled a fart" face, but with a little more tuition from Emily she'll get there.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The Bachelor Australia episode recap: Season 3, Episode 4

We begin episode four on the verandah at the Shag Mansion where Heather has gone all artistic, sitting cross legged with a notebook and pen, buried in thought.

Sunday, August 09, 2015

The Bachelor Australia episode recap: Season 3, Episode 3

We rejoin Bachelor Sam on the balcony of his love prison overlooking Sydney Harbour, where he is thinking about the three girls he boned the night before. ("Boned" in the Eddie McGuire sense, obviously. We don't get to any actual boning until the "fantasy suites" episode, everybody knows that.)

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

The Bachelor Australia episode recap: Season 3, Episode 2

We begin tonight's episode in the breakfast nook of the Shag Mansion, where everybody is trying to shake off their hangovers from last night's party by chillaxing in a really unaffected, natural way in neutral-coloured casual separates.

Monday, August 03, 2015

The Bachelor Australia episode recap: Season 3, Episode 1

My god, has it really been a whole year since the last season of The Bachelor Australia, when the Blakebot 3000 pissed off the whole of Australia by... er... hmm. What did he do again? He chose one blonde over another blonde, or something. Or he told someone he loved them and then decided that actually he really loved Weetbix.