Sooz asks John what he would do if he met a girl he really liked. Would he let the relationship go further, or would he call it off?
"This chick ticks a lot of boxes for me. She's attractive... Well, she's not attractive, she's hot. I'm really looking forward to it," he says.
As usual we don't get to see the chick or the date, because this is a show called "The Daters" and blah blah grumble grumble whatever.
Instead we get to see John go on a man date with Burgo and Johnny. It's a Saturday night in the city, and everyone is out to have a good time - stylish couples walking hand in hand, sharp dressed bartenders shaking cocktails in the neon-lit windows of trendy bars, and this girl in an alleyway taking the concept of the "selfie" to an epic new level:
On the way, in the back of the cab, John tells the lads about the hot chick who ticked his box, or whatever.
"It was one of the best dates I've ever been on," he tells them.
"Did you shag her?" asks Johnny, who is immediately handed his 2014 Gentleman of the Year award.
John says he did not, but that they'd had "a great kiss", the conversation flowed and "she took the piss out of me", which is probably better than her taking the conversation out of him while the piss flowed.
"I could really, really date this girl and I'd be as happy as a pig in shit," he says, and is immediately invited to be president of the Rostrum Association for Eloquent Speakers. He puts the application form in his pocket for later consideration.
"I've never felt this in my life before about someone that I've only just met. I certainly didn't see this coming, but it has and I don't know what to do," he says.
You want to know what to do, John? GO OUT WITH YOUR MATES TO A CLUB WITH A STRIPPER POLE INSIDE AND DO THIS, OVER AND OVER AND OVER:
Unfortunately however, it seems the only other people who want to go to a club with a stripper pole in it are single men. SURPRISE.
"It's like a man sausage sizzle in here," says John.
"It's fucken Dick Fest 2014," spits Johnny, with more venom than you would expect for someone who might actually buy tickets to an event called Dick Fest 2014.
They leave the bar and progress to lesson two in "How to impress women": drunkenly shouting and imitating strippers in the street. This move is apparently called "the slutdrop":
It's quite clear that by this stage John is completely paro, so when he admits to camera that he is now "eating his words" over shunning relationships, it would probably be better for everyone if he actually just ate a kebab.
"When a chick comes into your life, and you... she... literally takes your breath away... you can't ignore that," he says.