We begin on the beach, where Burgo and John have decided to meet on what looks to be the coldest day of the year for a good old chinwag about where the last eight weeks of dating have gotten them. Namely: nowhere.
They're soon joined by Johnny, who appears to have just re-entered the earth's atmosphere on a skateboard.
It soon becomes obvious that Johnny's hyperspeed entrance is actually a result of him having traversed the space-time-continuum and re-entered the present direct from 1987, where he attended the Under the Sea dance and prevented his mum from dancing with the wrong guy and cancelling out his birth altogether.
They sit down to lunch (Burgo orders arancini balls, because he can't resist any form of innuendo) and they spot a girl sitting near them. Burgo dares John to go and talk to her.
"Don't take his money, he's unemployed now," snips Johnny.
But Burgo gets his own back by asking Johnny how Melbourne went.
They're all getting their hair done in fancy up-dos, which will certainly help keep it out of their faces when they're spewing up tequila shots later on in the night.
Courteney talks about her Melbourne hipster, and how it hasn't worked out.
Anna talks about Gumby, and how that hasn't worked out.
But it's not all failed dates and heartbreak - Anna has met someone else who seems fun.
"We're walking down this alleyway and these doors open and there's drag queens standing there - so on our first date we went and saw this crazy drag show," she gushes.
Yes, he seems fun.
"I always thought that was for desperadoes, like 35-year-old people that have got kittens at home, but it's not like that," he says brightly.
Meanwhile, everyone over the age of 35 watching this show (ie: 90 per cent of the ABC's audience) sheds a single tear for not being as cool as Burgo.
But they shouldn't because, as it turns out, Burgo was the lame desperado at speed dating - at least according to Astrid, the blonde girl of his dreams.
"Astrid did tell me afterwards 'all the girls there thought you were a wanker'," he says.
"Did you think you were being a wanker?" asks Johnny.
"Yeah, I was a bit, but I went into it thinking I wouldn't get anything out of it," says Burgo.
Little did he know that speed dating would lead him to Astrid, a startlingly lifelike fembot created by Bro Industries to be every man's fantasy.
"She drives a classic '63 MG, she goes skydiving, she studies criminal psychology, there's just so much TO her," Burgo gushes.
Unfortunately she's also "very strong willed", "very opinionated" and "very smart", all of which is apparently a problem.
"She's just so complex," Burgo sighs.
Meanwhile, how's John going with everything?
"Fuck, I've got stiff nipples it's so fucking cold," he says.
Over to the girls, who have taken their hairdos out for cocktails and are now earnestly discussing Sooz's new boyfriend.
Wait. What? OMG SOOZ HAS A BOYFRIEND.
Unsurprisingly Burgo's impression of someone with gastro brings an abrupt end to lunch, so they all walk off to their cars.
But just before they say goodbye, John remembers his lines and announces they should all go on some "dating bootcamp" he's heard about that helps you meet women. In TV land, this is what's known as "some bullshit to set up the next episode".
"Are you up for it?" Burgo asks Johnny.
Well, to be fair. Johnny is probably the worst of all of them at picking up women.